Remember
by redcat512
Summary: Hikaru doesn't believe in treasuring memories, he lives in the moment. Kaoru remembers for both twins. Kaoru's third person P.O.V. Slight HikaHaru, very, very weak implied KaoHika.


**Rating**: K+

**Warnings:** slight HikaHaru

**Summary:** Hikaru doesn't believe in treasuring memories, he lives in the moment. Kaoru remembers for the both of them.

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**Remember**

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Kaoru remembers when he and Hikaru were small. He remembers when they were three and got their own room, separate from their parents. (Well, from Mother, anyway, since Father was never home, and when he was, he would just drop onto the couch in the study at 3 am in the morning after working for hours.) The very first night, Kaoru and Hikaru didn't sleep for a long time because they were so excited. They stayed up talking, so proud to be grown up enough to sleep alone. Kaoru once asks Hikaru if he remembers that. Hikaru shrugs no. He doesn't remember much of childhood; he thinks it stupid to reminisce about stuff in the past. 

Kaoru remembers when they were four and started kindergarten. He remembers disliking it immensely, because the teacher would break them up into groups for some stupid activities and more often than not, they wouldn't be paired together. He was glad when mother said they didn't have to go there anymore, even if it was because of some disagreement with the kindergarten teacher.

Kaoru remembers when they were five and started school. At first he hated it as much as he did kindergarten, but then in the second grade they got a nice teacher, and he didn't mind as much anymore. She allowed the twins to pair up for activities if they wanted, and didn't try to make them join the other kids. Then she punished Hikaru and not Kaoru. Even though Hikaru didn't seem to mind as much - he was the one misbehaving - Kaoru was angry and shocked that they would send his brother to time out and not him. He would forever hate that teacher.

Kaoru remembers when they were eight and made the first teacher (of many to come) cry. Well, it was Hikaru who initiated it, and Kaoru who played along. They took the which-one-is-Hikaru game further than they ever had before, and spent the entire day switching identities. The teacher broke down just after lunch, later than Hikaru had guessed at, earlier then Kaoru had. Kaoru still thinks they were too harsh on her; all she had done was suggest that Kaoru could mix his own paint, and didn't need Hikaru to do it for him.

Kaoru remembers when they were nine and were invited to yet another birthday party. The difference was, this time it was the daughter of a business opponent, so their mother forced them to go. They both hated it, of course, and took every opportunity to make trouble. After putting up with them for an hour, the mother of the child suggested to their driver that if he valued his job opportunities after the Hitachiin family, he would take the little brats home. When they came back, their own mother looked disappointed, but hardly surprised. They weren't forced to attend another party again.

Kaoru remembers when they were ten and first tried alcohol. They (or rather Hikaru) had been meaning to try the red and yellow stuff that made adults act so weird for some time before they got the chance they were looking for. Cook stormed out from the kitchen at dinnertime one day, yelling about unappreciated blood and tears (maybe the parents should have looked into that pay raise after all). Their parents looked up from their food, shrugged, and went back to eating when Cook left after the lengthy spiel was done with.

That evening, the twins snuck a half empty bottle of vintage white wine from the empty kitchen, up to their room. It tasted absolutely vile, but it made Kaoru dizzy and lightheaded, so he didn't mind too much. Besides which, if Hikaru could drink it in several quick gulps, so could he. Next morning they both woke up with dry mouths, foggy memories and killer headaches. They left alcohol alone for a while.

Kaoru remembers when they were eleven and girls started giggling at the two of them. Later, this progressed to actually asking them out on dates. The first time it happened, it was Hikaru (how fitting, it was always Hikaru first) but later they were asked out about as often as each other. That first time, though, before the novelty (the shock, maybe) wore off, Kaoru remembers feeling sick to the stomach. He would like to think that his white (disgusted, not scared) face was mirrored in his brother's face. But Hikaru has always liked attention, and has always loved messing with peoples heads more, so Kaoru gathers that the disgust (never the fear) might in part originate from this thought; that Hikaru doesn't mind as much. Needless to say, the twins continued with the obnoxious twin routine, almost without conscious decision.

Kaoru remembers when they were thirteen and he - no 'they' this time, only he - noticed Hikaru looking at a girl. That time, the- the _disgust_ (fear) was much more pronounced, because that time _it was his other half_ instigating the contact. (Only not yet, so far he's just looking. For now.) Kaoru finds himself feeling vicious for the first time in a very long time. Upon realizing this, he feels shame at wanting to deny his only brother - the other _him_ - a chance at happiness. Still, he cannot help but feel an incredible relief when the girl transfers to another school.

Kaoru remembers when they were fourteen and Tamaki first approached the two of them, asking them to join his stupid club. He can still visualize his hopeful face as he would try to tell them apart time and time again, all to no avail. He still thinks that had the decision been left up to him, he would have agreed a lot sooner, if only to be left alone. It was Hikaru who always craved attention, even if he also paradoxically hated society.

Kaoru remembers when they were fifteen and first met_ Her_. He still remembers being hit with the realization that the scruffy, outcast young man who wandered in by accident was actually a rather attractive _girl_. One he was rather relieved his brother had only a mild personal interest in. Interest for gain, however, was an entirely different matter. She became their joint (but then, wasn't everything?) project. Only later did she also become their joint friend.

Kaoru remembers when he realized that he liked her.

Kaoru remembers when he realized that Hikaru _loved_ her.

Kaoru remembers when he realized that he was incredibly jealous - no one but he is allowed Hikaru's love.

Kaoru remember when he realized that maybe there _was_ one other who was allowed.

Kaoru remembers when he realized that maybe _She_ was that other one.

Kaoru remembers when Hikaru admitted to him (to the both of them, because to admit it to himself is to admit it to Kaoru) that he thinks he broke the promise they made once upon a time (the promise that Kaoru has ironically enough forgotten about, while Hikaru remembered) to never let a girl come between the two of them (spawned by overhearing some adults whisperings about that being likely in the distant future).

Kaoru still remembers feeling surprised. He can still hear the hesitation in his normally self-confident brother as Hikaru asks if Kaoru likes her too. He can still see the dismay as he says 'yes-' (wonders why he says that), he can still see the relief as he continues; '-but only as _our_ only friend'. Sadistically, he puts some emphasis on 'our'.

Kaoru still remembers the only time he ever left without telling his brother -the first time he left without him, full stop, actually.

Kaoru still remembers sitting down behind the school, where even the stoners don't venture - and for the first time _ever_ - crying without Hikaru there to hold him.

Kaoru doesn't remember why he was crying. Was it because he lied, he _does_ love her? Was it because his other half was being taken away from him, however metaphorically? Was it because they were now officially un-identical?

Kaoru remembers going back to the club; he remembers seeing Hikaru's guilty and worried glance. He remembers being glad that Hikaru still cares enough to think that his brother's disappearance was his fault (wasn't it...?) He lifts just the very corner of his mouth that only Hikaru (and maybe one other) can decipher as; 'It's nothing' or maybe as 'I forgive you'.

Kaoru also remembers that things were never quite the same again, but then, isn't that always the case? He remembers that maybe every single event up till now had changed them at least a little – so why should this be any different?

So Kaoru remembers everything, sometimes things even he thought he had forgotten, sometimes things that Hikaru has to remind him of. He keeps track of everything they know (because if Hikaru knows something, sooner or later Kaoru will too, but if Kaoru knows something [or suspects he does Hikaru doesn't always know back) for the both of them, and allows his brother to relax in the semi-ignorance that Hikaru pulls off with such blinding success, the blindness that Kaoru has never managed to master.

Kaoru suspects that remembering is the only way he could abide Her presence. Because he remembers her too, and he sometimes wonders if he would have allowed such a thing (because he saw it before Hikaru did, could have _tried_ to some something about it) if he didn't remember everything she has ever done for the both of them.

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**End**

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**Authors Note:** I am not sure about some of the time line stuff, or some of the facts from the twins' history, but I tried to stick to what I was certain about. Please excuse any canon mistakes that remain.

Oh, and there is no KaoHika in this. You can see it that way if you want, but I really do have to point out that people can love their siblings that deeply and be jealous like that without being in love with the sibling. Life is not an episode of Angel Sanctuary.

By the way, with the exception of the last three paragraphs (and several typos and spelling mistakes), this story was typed up on my mobile (cell) phone. Please don't ask me why. I was bored. And I had no PC nearby... 'nuff said. ... Yes, all fourteen hundred words of it. I'm a freak. XD


End file.
